Written by Bryan Maier
Monday, 17 February 2014 00:00
Being a marriage counselor requires a certain ability to see beyond someone’s words and into their heart. Thus as a public service (and since I will not be receiving or sending any Valentines this year) I would like to provide an interpretive key to the valentines you may have received recently. I have already shared this list with my students for several years, but now I want give it as a gift to the readers of this blog.
Valentine’s Day (regardless of its origins which is a very interesting story) provides a mandated space and time to remind the love of your life that you have not changed your feelings about them since February 13. In this online age, buying a gift has become as easy as clicking a mouse. However, along with the gift, the literary expectation has not been dropped (i.e. people still want words). This is where it gets tricky.
Browsing the various online cards (or worse a trip to the card store) to find just the right expression of one’s affection can be like finding a needle in a haystack. What makes us choose one card over the other? So if you wondered what was really behind the valentine you received, you need wonder no longer. Just match your valentine to the description below and then read the explanation in italics. If I missed yours, feel free to include it in the comments section and I will interpret it for you.
Funny Valentine – I have no idea how to say anything serious: that would be too risky.
Apology Valentine – I may not always be the person that I should be, but I am relieved that you do not call me to more.
“Lucky me” Valentine – How did a loser like me find someone as wonderfully codependent as you?
It’s all about me Valentine – Here is a list of the way you make me feel good.
“Words are not my love language” Valentine – I know I don’t express my feelings very often and I don’t plan to start, but I will today (probably in someone else’s words).
Flowery Valentines – Here’s a nice valentine in someone else’s words. I read it once and hope it absolves me of saying anything.
Sexual innuendo Valentine – Will talking about sex distract you from thinking seriously about our feelings? I know it works for me.
Blackmail Valentine – Here’s hoping this valentine gets me through another Valentine’s Day without having to be considerate or creative.
You are always there Valentine – Please don’t leave.
True Valentine – How wonderful you are, period.
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